HELP!!! My penguins are driving me crazy...

They probably just come down to see their daughter, grand kids, great grand kids, and to "entertain" you!

 

Rich,
I really think they come down here to mooch our electric and food. Do you know when they were healthy, they would never drive to the beach which is only minutes away. We have county parks that are even closer. A beautiful walk/bike path around Lake Osborne. So many things to do and they would just sit in the house and watch TV. They definitely don’t know how to live the Florida lifestyle.

 

I remember the female penguin coming home from the grocery store once with my wife. I must’ve been giving her the look because she said to me, I pay for half the groceries. I felt like saying, you eat more than 3/4 of them. LMAO!!! Our electric bill doubles when they are here because they leave everything on in every single room. Our water bill doubles also. And, they just aggravate the hell out of me. Until the afternoon my wife and I are the only people here. Every time I walk in the house I see the nasty face of the female penguin, turning her head, only like a bird can, to look to see who’s coming in! I swear to you all, if I walked in and out 15 times in a row she would turn around 15 times to see who is walking in. Freaky!

 

LEFTOVERS IN THE REFRIDGERATOR...
My refrigerator is being taken over by leftovers! When I open the door stuff starts to fall out! I can't even find the good food because there are so many half-eaten meals. Quite honestly, I find it disgusting. I just went in the kitchen to make another cup of coffee. Here's a description of the inside of my refrigerator. On the top shelf, a big bag of left-over cheesy bread from some pizza place. I would bet a dollar that there's one piece of cheesy bread in it! No one is going to eat it. It's only good when you first bring it home. You'll never heat it back up the way it came from the pizza place. Microwave it? It'll be chewy. Put it in the toaster oven for 10 minutes? Takes way to long and it will be all dried out. Knowing these birds, well actually the female bird because the male bird would starve if it weren't for his wife, she'd smother it in butter and then it would drip all over the inside of the oven! Throw the dam thing away!!! There are 2 large styrofoam containers in there from some restaurant they went to last week. I don't know what's in them, but I'll bet more money they will NEVER eat it! Throw it away! Saturday afternoon we went to lunch / dinner. The male bird's half eaten Fish and Chips still in the see through container. The female bird's half eaten burger is still in there. I watched them ask for the containers at the restaurant knowing they will never eat their leftovers. I'll let you all know when they finally throw them out. The quart pitcher of orange juice... There is barely, and I do mean barely one sip left in the whole container. It should have been finished when someone poured the last cupful out of it. Take a sip out of your cup and refill it with that tiny leftover amount. Nooo, it'll sit there in the refrigerator for many more days because now it's not worth going to the trouble to grab it and pour another cupful, I mean sip! Yesterday I guess big bird wasn't to hungry. His half eaten ham and cheese sandwich is in a zip-lock baggie. Really? That's gross!!! Last night's dinner... Big bird didn't finish his meal, again. Yes, it's in a Tupperware container. He'll never ask for it, and he'll never eat it. Female bird... Of course she took more than she could eat and it's also in separate container. These birds drive me up the wall with their hording of food they'll NEVER eat! Throw it away!!!

 

In my fridge I'd probably eat all of it except the fish. I do not really like fish. As far as the juice why bother dirting a cup? Its my juice and I'll drink out of the jug.

 

John, I no longer have a penguin, my family has no aversion or fear of the ‘sloshy box’ and we toss leftovers after about three days. I feel your pain, though! We do have a newish young cat who loves to destroy carboard and paper! He leaves paper bits everywhere! He doesn’t drink our beer, though.
Patrick

 

I know it's not your responsibility to clean up after them, but if it were my house and I couldn't get to my good crap in there, I think I would just drag the garbage can to the fridge and just toss all the leftovers out (that weren't mine, of course), without saying anything to anyone. If you keep doing it, maybe they'll get mad and leave!

 

Came home from work yesterday and find the fry pan in the sink with egg stuck to it. the dishes she use to eat on and the cracked egg shells on top in the sink . Reach down and open the sloshey box to see that its less than 1/2 full. Like groundhog day again. Pinguinitest must be contagious. I feed the dog any leftovers after a few days

 

What'd Carlin used to say, could be meat, could be cake? It's meatcake.

 

OMG! STFU! The crazy which never shuts up. Today’s gripe is about her always wanting to be first. We’ve had my sons over for dinner most of this week. We always say a prayer before dinner. She has the hardest time restraining herself and waiting till everyone is at the table before the prayer starts. Then she says it at breakneck speed as though she’s been starving for days. Last night we celebrated my youngest son‘s birthday. Yes, unfortunately my youngest son turned 30 yesterday. Anyhow, my wife lights the candles on his cake and the crazy witch starts singing happy birthday right away. Lots of people are still cleaning their dinner plates and putting them in the dishwasher. Something she knows nothing about. I looked at her and said sternly, Jane! Would you just wait a minute!
Speaking of prayers… before Covid the two penguins would go to morning mass every single day. They would even say little snide remarks like, we’ll pray for you John. My prayers never came true though. I only prayed that they would leave.
During Covid when they came down here they would watch the morning mass on TV. I could except that being they were old, even though we still went to church in person. They still don’t go to church and only watch the morning mass on TV. Every day I see the male penguin just about asleep watching the mass, and the female penguin is playing on her laptop some stupid game. Looks like a good time for me to say something smart ass. I said, I see you’re playing a stupid game while the sermon is going on Jane. I guess that means I can fall asleep in church during the sermon and it’s pretty much the same thing. I got no reply from her. Oh well, it’s getting close to the two week period. Pretty much one week to go. If my liver doesn’t complain about all the alcohol then things are going great because my brain cells are falling out of my ears. Have a great day!

 

I’m going in the house today for lunch. Holy mackerel! It was hot inside. I think the heat lamps were on keeping the rookery nice and warm. I didn’t stay inside. Made my lunch and got the heck out of there. We’re down at my son’s house now for dinner. Heck ya we left the old people out. We’re having dolphin and crab legs. They don’t like seafood. I don’t like them. Works out good to me.

 

Oh yeah, I’ve been forgetting to keep tabs on the male penguin’s exercise routine. Yesterday I think he walked around the block one time. Today he didn’t walk around the block at all. In fact he only came outside one time. John Kerry would be upset about all the carbon they used to get down to South Florida, and they’re not even exercising. My wife and her mother went to lunch with my wife’s old people friends. I think they had to ride horses, rope a cow, and then BBQ it on a big pit fire because when they got home they both took naps. Alligators do that when they digest their food.

 

I know, I know, you guys haven’t heard from me in a while. GS Fred thought things were going great or perhaps they left. No such luck. I won’t go into details right now because I’m working on a project and don’t have time. I just wanted to let out a quick complaint. Right now it’s almost 80°, unbelievably sunny, and they’re sitting inside watching TV. I don’t know, maybe they don’t have a TV set in Cincinnati. Maybe their couches are not as comfortable. Maybe there’s not as much food in the refrigerator Up North as there is down south. I do not know why they traveled almost 1100 miles to sit inside the house when it’s beautiful outside. These people are definitely f**ked up!!! Here is the official weather from the national weather service as of just a few minutes ago. It says it’s mostly cloudy which is a lie. So I included a picture of the sky.
PS, yes we have a heat index in the winter.

 

Woke up to -8° F this morning. Coldest it's been in about 2 weeks. Thank you El Nino!!

 

Jeremy, why is your tree so naked? My oak tree is a bit early but it’s already getting its new leaves for spring. The other bush, I don’t know what its name is called, but we call it the fire cracker bush because that’s what its flowers look like. I also have weeds in my yard. I spent hours yesterday spraying weed killer. Probably a waste of time just like every other year.
Tom, I will send you some blankets. BURR!!!

 

I lovely nasty story from today. Slow Dick, the male penguin actually came out of the house for a little bit. He’s sitting in a chair watching me work on my boat trailer. He hacks up a big Lougee. He didn’t know I saw him spit it out but I did. He’s so old that he can’t even spit very far. It actually landed on the armrest of the chair he was in, and then slimed it’s way to the ground. I wanted to bust out laughing, but I acted like I didn’t even see it happen. Yuck!

 

Appreciate the thought John, but I have a great furnace and a well insulated home. A few weeks ago it was -30° F . That's cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey!!

 

No global warming in your neighborhood.

 

Climate is cyclical. Two years ago we had near record snowfall. I ran out of room to put it by Christmas. Other years we've had extended cold snaps where temps rarely got above -20° F.
In 1980, I started riding my motorcycle on March 8th!!
In 1997, we had two major blizzards in APRIL!!

Back to your regularly scheduled penguins driving John crazy thread.

 

Do a great burnout in the driveway and maybe the smoke will drive them out lol