Good morning members of the newly formed Penguin Support Group. The countdown has begun. In just 7 more days I will lose my privacy as the onslaught begins. Smokey, I don't hear much from you anymore, but I promise I will be much more assertive! I will NOT "runaway" in March. When they do something I don't like they're going to get blasted. I will NOT put up with lies, or is it forgetful memory loss? The flatass screech owl coughs and hacks EVERY single morning. I can hear her inside the house with all the windows closed! She constantly says, "I don't know why I'm coughing so much. I don't do this at home." LIAR!!! I don't know about home but..... Last year I was making old VHS family tapes into DVDs. I have her on video hacking her brains out in Idaho, Montana, Wyoming, and Florida. Christmas 1999 she coughed so much I could barely hear what my kids were saying as they opened their presents. I LOVE my retired life!!! My wife goes to work every day at 6:30 AM. I give her a hug and wish her a great day. The house is mine! I don't hear a single sound unless I'm humming a song. I make a mess all day long, OUTSIDE, and usually have it cleaned up by the evening, unless it's a project. The house remains spotless ALL DAY LONG!!!!!!!! Before I continue I must explain to the owner of this AWESOME forum, Jim Weise my "crumb aversion. I met Jim at last year's Nationals. When he turned and looked at this long bearded, scruffy old man he had a smirk on his face from ear to ear. I'm sure inside his head he was saying, "This is the guy that HATES crumbs?" Here's the deal... When we were kids mom and dad both worked and we all had chores. Guess what... My chores were the kitchen. I had to empty the dishwasher, refill it with any breakfast dishes, clean and wipe off all counter tops including the dining room table, and believe it or not, clean the sink spotless and wipe with a dry dish towel the sink's faucet to a brilliant shine. We have calcium water down here. It will build up quickly on the faucets if they are not cleaned regularly. So now you all know, I LOVE a spotless kitchen!!! And those dam penguins don't seem to care!!! Back to our regularly scheduled program... As you all can imagine I'm getting ready to lose ALL of my privacy and most importantly silence. First thing in the morning the flatass screech owl will try to talk to me. She'll talk to anyone. I think she enjoys the sound of her own voice. I'll walk past her with my second cup of coffee. Here she goes like a dam parrot.... Morning John. I grumble as I'm walking towards the door. It's 19 degrees in Cincinnati. Me, I don't care Jane. I'll sit outside on my porch watching the news as she's hacking inside. I don't know why she hacks EVERY morning. She never smoked. Maybe because she talks to much. Speaking of smoking... Last year I was sitting at the picnic table enjoying the silence of the evening outside. "She" comes outside and decides to talk to me. As she's blabbing away I threw my lit cigarette away. It landed near the BBQ grill's propane tank. She said, You're going to blow us up! If you do that again I'm going to go inside. So I lit another cigarette and threw it directly at the propane tank. She gave me a dirty look and went inside. AWESOME!!! Time to get my morning started...............................
You do know when Deb retires your personal space will be gone forever. Live it when Irene works nights. I'm gone all day at work and she's gone in the evening
Poor guy has a attached garage so no place to hide. He does have a buddy close by with a cool shop full of old Hudson's.
Luckily for me my wife hardly ever comes outside. She says the mosquitoes bite her terribly. I’m going to stop spraying insecticide around the yard when she retires.
John, I hope no one tells the "screech owl" there's virtually no explosion risk when tossing your lit smoke near the BBQ tank............unless it has a slight leak. Hmmm, maybe creating a slight air hiss near it could help your sanity maintenance....
Tom, first you crack me up. I love your posts. Second, I most definitely agree. We shot guns at full propane tanks. Yes, they were very far away, but no fire. A lot of hissing. LMAO Oh dang, the younger days..... Big trash bags filled with acetylene and oxygen with a rocket fuse. Don’t do it in your neighborhood! Bad things can happen. No, I never did that, but we did have a DA young kid copy us. He went to jail.
You got that right... Here, I expected some perfectly quaffed, buttoned up tight ass, who spends his days yelling at kids to keep off his lawn.. instead, I get Billy JO Bob.. who looks like he is ready to chew some tabakky and strum on his banjo... with his cousin earl on the washtub.. all of which are conveniently located in the front yard, next to a dilapidated 47 chev pickup.. Just goes to show, can't judge a book by it's cover.. JW
I just read this whole thread. Could feel my hands shaking just from reading your description of the mess and noise.
OMG! It is about to happen. I thought I had a couple days of reprieve. Now I hear they’re going to be here tonight at 10:30 or 11 PM. My stomach is tied in knots and making noises as though I ate a pound of raw meat with serious gangrene. Right now I feel like I would like to go out like Bonnie and Clyde did. I’ll bet it was fast
It cracks me up how my wife is so excited about her parents going to be here. Me, the stress level is incomprehensible!!!!!!! I’m going to buy a case of beer right now and a carton of cigarettes. Maybe I won’t be here tomorrow. Unfortunately I don’t think it works that fast
I justed looked in the house. The FA baby penguin is sitting on the couch watching TV anxiously awaiting the arrival of the flock. I don’t understand how she can be so happy and I am so stressed?
John, stay calm my friend! One of my favorite things to do with my mother in law was to disagree with everything she said. Didn’t matter what it was about, I’d take the opposite side. I’d get her all worked up then I’d start smiling and she’d realize I couldn’t give a sh*t about what she was talking about I was just enjoying getting under her skin! You could follow the penguin around the first day with one of those little handheld vacuums, constantly firing it up, she if she gets the hint!
John, it's time to make the best of your penguin invasion, stop fighting it as it seems it's not going to go away until it's 6 feet under time. I purpose you have a little fun this year, mess with the penguins as much as you can, after all you were a teacher I know you can outsmart them. Make a game out of it, each day take an item of theirs like one shoe, or a toothbrush, pair of glasses whatever and hide said object and watch them go crazy searching for it. Then the following day return that item in an extremely obvious spot that they know for sure they checked as to baffle them completely, then take another item and repeat. I can sense you're man of strong composure so you should be able to keep a good pokerface when asked about the missing items. You can also play the turbo turd surprise game by replacing a good portion if their milk or cream for coffee/tea with turbo laxitives . Another good one is take apart the toaster, disconnect the wires inside, reassemble it and VIOLA no more toast crumbs for the crumb Nazi. John I have lots of great ideas, some I can't post as I fear I'll be asked to leave this fine forum and the cops will be at my door the following morning . Best of luck my friend!
Dang Bob, A VERY good idea!!!! I already hid my $58 dollar bottle of Baileys. Heck no, that female penguin, lush, is not going to drink MY stuff. Hidden and will never become obvious. I will do what you said Bob. I’ll report back, I promise!!!!!!
Bob’s idea is the best!!!!! Her reading glasses will be gone when she goes for her second cup of weakass coffee!!!!!!!!
