Stupid Ricers And What They Don't Know

O.K. LARRY and ALAN here's one from FRANCIS LEWIS BLVD.

One Friday nite I'm retuning from hanging out with the Long Island muscle car guys and decide to stop by the 7-11 to see what the "RICERS" are up to. The parking lot is packed with some of the finest high dollar "RICE" machines I've ever seen.Now I'm driving my "ASS KICKING 462 cu in. G.S. complete with headers, flowmasters and a RUMPITY RUMP CAM...A serious STAGE 1 car!Somehow I manage to get afront row parking spot right in the middle of the "FINEST RICE".I walk into the store....keeping a well trained eye on my teasured "STAGE MACHINE" and I notice a gathering of "RICE BOYS" surrounding my car trying to figure out what the hell this thing is o No: o No: o No: o No: o No: As I walk out of store on of the "RICE BOYS" says......Hey mister, how much HORSEPOWER does that "THING' have.......Without hesitation I point to their finest "RICE" and reply......"ABOUT FIVE OF THOSE"!!!!!:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: As I'm pulling out one them says....I bet you can't even do a burn out. My mind immediatly flashes to the brand TA's I'll be putting on this "BAD BOY" tomorrow morning, my trigger finger hits the LINELOCK as I ease the horse shoe shifter back into SECOND GEAR and my right foot snaps the DOUBLE PUMPER to ATTENTION.The "RICERS" scramble for breathing air as I do one of "FINEST" linelock burnouts of all time. Now is the time to leave since the "RICERS", parking lot and 7-11 have all disappeared in my massive display of air polution. As I put my "BABY" in the garage there is still smoke comming from my trunk!!!! AH, those "DUMB RICERS" will never learn!!!:moonu: :moonu: :moonu: :moonu:

 

Yeah i think the reason the ricers are so confused about stuff is because of the fast and the furious movies. Those movies have them brain washed into thinking american muslce cars are slow. What they dont know is they will never make the power of a v-8 especially a big block!:Smarty: . They will never learn!

Lardo "the pig" Lewis

68 Buick GS-California 350

 

Thats for sure those morons put body kits and food platters (antlers may'be?) which make more weight for those torqueless piles. And tell me why they put daytona wings on a front wheel drive car? Oh well many of these kids wear their caps sideways and have extremely baggy clothes, which is one of the first signs of mental retardation, the inability to dress them selves lol :laugh:

 

You can't forget the ever-popular camaro/teenage moustache with the gawdy light blue FUBU t-shirt/Football jersey....


Hmm, what else can I stereotype?



Let's not forget the many hundreds of pounds of subwoofers and amps they have stuffed into those cars. And another hundred pounds of particle board and carpet to house them....


I bet the flourescent colored wire looms in the engine compartment make it more aerodynamic too.

Monster Tachs with shift lights bigger than my, uh, his...nevermind. The FAKE NAAAAAAWWWZZ button mounted somewhere on the dash.

 

I guess I don't get it. Sounds like a waste of rubber.

 

i hate it if whever u race a ricer and when u beat them...im sorry did i say when....they always complain that thoughs V8's have so much power to start with...then why do they go out and spend maybe 7k on a nice muscle car instead of haveing to spend at least 25k extra on a fancy import that will most likely get the same results.

 

TP

I like this: torqueless piles

 

HAH! yea thats a good one!.........they'l never learn

 

That's a great story, I love it. I really like the "about 5 of those" comment to the ricer's, I bet that got em all worked up. There's hangouts back in my original hometown in Washington state just like the aforementioned one. Usually nothing but ricers, but there's usually some domestic garbage in there as well (camaros and stangs, the "Fast" guys....right). I've been dying to take my Sport Wagon up there to put them in their places, but since I've owned it I haven't lived anywhere close to there. The scene isn't the same where I've lived recently, so hopefully someday I can take it back there. They all got the attitudes as well....

A comment was made about the ricers being torqueless, well for the most part that's pretty damn true. All the newer rice has absolutely no torque at all. My Nissan 180SX (2liter turbo) is seriously a DOG off the line, it won't even do a burnout! It being an automatic and having no spool up off the line is mostly to blame for that. It hauls once the revs come up though, but I'd rather have that low end grunt any day, it's so much more fun! My older rice (72 Datsun) actually has some decent torque and it's only a 1.5liter pushrod OHV like the Buick. It feels so much better to drive than the 180SX, when you hit the gas there is instant power and it would eat my 180 in a short race. Even still it's nothing to the 69 Sporty back at home, which I miss everyday....

Andy
-Serving overseas in Japan
69 Sport Wagon 455
72 Datsun B110 coupe
93 Nissan 180SX

 

COOL STORY!!!!

:TU: :TU: :TU: :TU: :Brow: :laugh: :beer

I miss doing those lineloc burnouts! :ball:

Did you start off in First gear and go ALL THE WAY THRU FIRST AND SECOND GEAR!?:Brow: :Brow: :grin: :bglasses: :bglasses:

Yep, you prolly need new tires!!:laugh:

Your killin' me!!:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

(BTW, what other kinds of mods have you done, if any? Which cam, gears, stall converter, heads, comp.??)

 

LOL! That's the best one I've heard in ages! LOL! :beer

 

just a little something

When you ask, if a man is in the middle of the woods and says something without a woman around, is he still wrong. Well, here the answer. Only if he's talking about perfume and his own wedding annyversary.:grin:

 

ah ricers so fun to mess with

:moonu: yep they are pretty funny i swear i see ricers putting all kinds of money down in their cars only to get into 14's hmm and they say our cars are so patheticly slow and cost alot to build hell car craft got an el camino in to the 12's for $9.95 haha it was god awfly ugly but it ran i forgot what issue and what year but i just found it to be funny cause i didnt even know it was possible to get that kind of time for so cheap but its possible. super street did a 13 or 14 sec car for almost free it was a nissan sentra but they cut the car completely apart and chopped the roof off and put spare tires in then rear and used a lawnchair as a seat. need i say more it was funny to see that one i wish i had that issue now that i think of it oh well.ou:

 

The RICE don't learn. You can beat them 7 days a week, and they still don't understand.

 

I think what happens is when someone turns into a "Ricer" the person has lost all common sense.He doesn't realize that the American Musclecar is faster than he expected.


I always like to hear the ricers say "I'll put a big muffler on it, and then I'll put a K&N on it,a polished intake pipe, and some red spark plug wires on it,and it'll make 200 horsepower". He's lucky if it makes 100. He figures if it sounds fast,it must be fast.

I agree,the ricers will never,ever learn.:spank:

 

Yeah....and most of them don't even sound fast, but they think it is music! Although i have to admit i was in Wal-Mart parking lot once and saw an Eclipse, blue, single offset silver stripe, had seen it around alot before, but this time i actually got to hear it, and most all i could hear was turbo spool up, and blow off........and he was just parking....wasn't getting on it. Don't think i'll have stoplight wars with him, but it really isn't riced out alot, might have clear tailights and thats it.

 

I think clear tail lites are the ugliest things to ever show up on cars. Is it just me or am I just an old fart?o No:

 

No you are quite correct Joe. Ugly AND illegal. Well in New York anyway.

 

tailights are supposed to be red.........stupid delinquint kids.....