He was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a rolled up magazine. "Ouch!! What was that for?" he asked. "That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name MaryLou written on it," she replied. "Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Mary Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on," he explained. "Oh honey, I'm so sorry," she said. "I should have known there was a good explanation." Three days later he was watching a ball game on TV when she walked up and hit him in the head again, this time with an iron skillet, which knocked him out cold. When he came too, he asked, "Now what was that for?" She! replied, "Your horse called." D.:laugh:
One day this cop pulls over a blonde for speeding. The cop gets out of his car and asks the blonde for her license. "You cops should get it together. One day you take away my license and the next day you ask me to show it.'' A fine funeral was ordered for a woman who had henpecked her husband, driven her kids half nuts, scrapped with the neighbors at the slightest opportunity, and even made neurotics of the cat and dog with her explosive temper. As the casket was lowered into the grave, a violent thunderstorm broke, and the pastor's benediction was drowned out by a blinding flash of lightning, followed by terrific thunder. "Well," commented one of the mourners, "sounds like she got where she was going." A man was telling his friend about his upstairs neighbors. "They started to jump up and down on the floor at five o'clock in the morning!" His friend asked, "well, didn't that disturb you? Didn't you complain? "No-it didn't disturb me. I was practicing my trumpet."
Redneck/Flat Tire There was this redneck who had a flat tire and he pulled off on the side of the road and he proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers on the front of the car and a bouquet of flowers behind the car. Then he got back into the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious that he turned around and went back. He got out of his car and ask the Redneck what the problem was ? The Redneck replied, "Gotta flat tar!" . In response the passerby ask; "But what's with the flowers?!" The Redneck responded; "When you break down, they always tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back ! But I ain't never understood it neither
The guys in the shipyard will love the flares joke. And the wife'll love the horse joke. Quality & quantity -- keep 'em coming! Separate political forum -- I agree there's no need. But what we do need is a separate jokes forum -- a nice quick reference to make you chuckle when the day aint looking so rosy. -- Steve
Alright: I'm not sure If i read it here so if I did, sorry. Bob's wife knows that Bob works long hard hoursevery monday and every Tuesay he goes to the gym and thursdays is Bowling so for a treat she decides she will take him to the strippers one night. On the way in the Bouncer says " Hey Bob, good to see ya," Bob's wife is upset, she thinks that he comes here all the time. Bob explains that the bouncer is in his bowling league. Bob's wife apologizes and they head up to the Bar. The bartender asks Bob's wife what she wants and gets Bob "The usual" Now Bob's wife is really upset, but Bob quickly explains that the bartender works in the same office as he does. They sit down and as the stripper begins to do her thing she says hi to Bob and asks how he is doing. His wife storms out of the place as Bob tries to explain that the stripper works out at the same gym. Bob and his wife get into a cab, with Bob's wife continuing to yell at him. The cabby turns around and says " Gee Bob, you sure did pick up a B!tch tonight didn't you?!" hee hee hee
A man went to his preacher for some family counseling, told his preacher that his wife was out of control...spending too much money, not being home, not cooking, etc....The preacher told him to go home and set some rules. The guy went home and told his wife that from now on he wanted a full meal each night when he arrived home from work. After the meal he wanted a nice dessert. Then he wanted her to run him a nice hot tub of water for a long bath. He then asked her if she knew who was going to groom and dress him, to which she replied, "the undertaker."
a hillbilly was cruising down the highway when he sees blue and red lights in his mirror. he pulls over to the side and the cop walks up to his car and asks him "got any ID?" so the hillbilly says, bout' what????:laugh:
Two good ole boys were driving their pickup thru the country and drinking beer as they drove. The fella driving looks in the mirror and sees the flashing lights of a cop car and realizing he's in trouble pulls over and tells his buddy: "Quick, peel the label off my Bud bottle. His buddy peels the label off and the driver grabs it and sticks it on his forehead. By this time the cop has pulled over and walks up to the window. He looks in and asks, "You boys haven't been drinking by any chance would you?" The driver says, "No way officer. See, I'm on the patch."
WOO Larry the Cable Guy is my hero! so is Rodney Carrington! oops.. i thought this was the off topic thread..
I can Tell when My Wife uses the Computer My Wife is Blonde and I can always tell when she uses the Computer There is White Out all over the Screen!:jd:
PMS= PUNISH MY SPOUSE! When I call my wife she always asks me If I miss her and I tell her Yes BUT MY AIM IS GETTING BETTER!!!!!!!:blast:
Do You want a Bag? I really do this, The next time you go to the store and the clerk ask you if you want a Bag? I say No Thats alright I have one at Home with the kids!!!!
