* It's called Traffic. Deal with it or take the bus. Staring open-mouthed at the endless stream of cars isn't going to make the traffic go away. Hit the gas already! Traffic starts at 5:30 a.m. and lasts until about 7:30 p.m. , so you're slowing me down, get a move-on. * Rotaries are a fact of life. You go around counter clockwise. That's your left, but you don't take a left onto it. If you took a left you'd go clockwise. Confusing? Yes. About to change? No. * That white stuff on the roads in winter is snow. It's slippery and slick. In a word, slickery. Maybe the city will plow, maybe they won't. Don't suddenly stop, it's not gonna work. Ice is an equal opportunity type of substance, it doesn't care that you have a fancy SUV. * The only folks who can get away with saying "ayuh" live here, and we can tell the difference, so don't try to fool us * the State cops probably just want to pass you if they are glued to your bumper, just change lanes smoothly and let them * "wicked" "psyched" and "pissa" are actually words that have meaning and/or a different meaning than you think they do, here. Saying, "Pissa! I'm wicked psyched!" more than once labels you as a silly tourist who needs to be given wrong directions * The Kennedys say words that end in "-ah". Like Novembah, Bah Hahbah, and Convenience Stoah. This is supposed to be a legitimate accent for the rest of the public. After 32 years of living here, I can assure you, it's not. Talking like that will not fool us into thinking you're a Kennedy, we know them all because of the scandals * The roads here are old. The buildings are old. The sewers and drainage systems are old. This is where most of the ships bumped into land way back when, so don't be surprised by twisty turny city streets that make no sense. We know they make no sense already, we've seen them, don't think you're telling us a big secret that the streets are confusing. * Yes, we know that highway has three names, two route numbers or more, doesn't go in the directions the signs indicate unless "South" is suddenly where the Sun sets, and might even have an exit or two on the lower planes of Hell. Welcome to Massachusetts. * Lobsters deserve to be boiled. Seen one of them monsters lately? So please, if you are an animal lover, do not decry the fate of the poor defenseless lobster to us. We don't care. Plus, lobsters enjoy boiling hot water, it's a scientific fact. * Don't talk to strangers on the street. Heck, don't talk to ANYone on the street. * That smell is "low tide". That happens by the seashore, accept it or don't, but you're not going to change it by complaining. * Speaking of the seashore, consider your body type carefully before purchasing swimwear. Please, for the love of God consider carefully * Yes we have Summer. It's hot and it's sticky. We are not a bunch of Eskimos, and while there is nothing wrong with Eskimos we do not have icebergs in the waterways until June. * Lobstermen are people too. People with shotguns. Don't pull up a lobster trap that doesn't belong to you. Ever. * We have the most History in the whole US on the east coast. I can show you where the oldest A frame house in North America is if you come to visit. We don't mind it when the rest of the country mentions their rich history. In fact we think it's cute. * Directional use when driving is thought to be a sign of weakness here, by visitors. Quite the contrary. It enables us to spot tourists by their use. A tourist is anyone not from here, not just sightseers. Tourists are only given the right of way at three things: Funerals, High Speed Chases, and Speed Traps * That old tub is the USS Constitution. It is an object of respect. Old Ironsides is the ship's nickname, not the nickname of it's Captain. * New Yorkers are not all from New York City. It's a big city, but not that big. * Hockey is a legitimate sport. The athletes are legitimate athletes. Jokes about going to a boxing match and how a hockey game broke out will be over-heard by hockey players who can box. * The leaves turn colors and fall off the trees in Autumn. Yee-ha. Do not drive at 35 mph on the highway looking at foliage, you will kill somebody. If you want to see dead things fall from trees, pull over. All the way. * The ball went between Billy Buck's legs. We heard already. * It's Clam Chowder. Eat it. * "Making a packie run" is not some kind of ritual where we make some poor slob sprint for his life. * "Out West" starts at Pennsylvania. Basically, if the locals can't tell you what a frappe is, you are in the Wilderness and you should make a detailed account of the adventure for posterity. * "Down East" does not signify that we can't use a compass. If you don't know what it means, we simply ain't telling. * "Go on down the rud a piece" is actually concise directions to where you're going * No, the road construction is not going to end anytime soon.
ever been to montana, chris? people here still pack guns. saw one in wal-mart just the other day. we dont have accents. everyone else does. all the nuts and psychos in montana came from someplace else [a toss up between back east -any place east of miles city- and calliefonia]. we dont have lobster here. the only monsters we have are 800 lb grizzlies, 800lb moose, and 800lb gorillas [go ahead, ask me where they sit!]. traffic here sucks! mostly because of those people i mentioned before. its getting so you can't ride your donkey through town anymore! you think you have history? ever hear of jack horner and egg mountain? and you aint smelled nothing till you been to BUTTE! :laugh: :laugh:
Chris, Anyone who doesn't get this is re-tah-ded.:grin: Even though anything inside of 128 is different from anything outside it as anything in the 413 area code where the "Deliverence" song is played far and wide. Paul Just another Mass*@#$
