HELP!!! My penguins are driving me crazy...

John… YES THEY DO!!!!!

 

Good morning penguin fans, or haters...
It is 7:43, and the female has awoken. How do I know that if I'm sitting outside in the porch? I'm already hearing her morning ritual, HACKING!!! I know she's close by because the hacking is loud and clear. I'm guessing she's eating her morning bagel at the table. At least she's better than previous years when she ate her bagel in the recliner, spilling breadcrumbs everywhere.
Last night I asked the question I didn't want to. I was told before "they" got here that "they" would be leaving March 3rd. The reason I didn't want to ask the question... March 3rd is a Friday. I thought my wife, who is going to drive them back home, had work on Friday. She certainly was NOT going to leave Friday afternoon and drive all night. So I assumed that date was WRONG. Well check it out... They are NOT leaving Friday afternoon. I knew it! Good news is coming! Friday, March 3rd is actually a "teacher's workday." Little penguin said, "I'm taking comp time and not going to work Friday. We're actually leaving Thursday afternoon and driving to Melborne. They'll spend the night at the penguin's cousin's house, and finish driving the next day. WHAT??? Yes indeed, my prison term has been reduced by one day!!! Holy penguin hack Batman! What wonderful news!!! So I only have 9 more days to deal with them. I am soooo happy! Hears to all of you, may you have a wonderful penguin free day! God bless.
PS, John Codman.... They still smell like fish! LMAO!!!!

 

Seems like a short season this year

 

May be due to climate change. Been a little frosty on Henthorne this year.

 

Iowacat, I apologize. I lied. I hate being a liar, but I had no choice. I’m busting my butt outside, and I was starving for lunch. I had forgotten to go shopping to fill up my garage/kitchenette. So I went inside to eat leftovers. As Monday night’s spaghetti and meatballs was warming up in the microwave I was sitting at the kitchen counter. I had to wipe up the crumbs. I couldn’t bear sitting there eating my lunch looking at all these crumbs laying all over the place. I had to put my spaghetti in the microwave for one more minute. As I sat on the stool waiting for my lunch to be hot I looked down. Oh hell yes, there were more crumbs on the floor. Yes, I wiped it up. I apologize for being a liar but I had no choice. It was killing me!

 

I went to the garden center and bought 1 yard of drainage rocks. I’m shoveling them out of my truck into the wheelbarrow and putting them in the picnic area. Slow dick comes out to supervise. If you look at the picture you can see it’s a very tight corner from the south side of my garage to the east side where my truck was parked. Of course he picked that spot to stand. As I walked back-and-forth with the wheelbarrow I had to keep telling him, dick, can you please move. No freaking common sense!

 

I’ve got an 8 foot picnic table that is unbelievably heavy. I had it on its side length wise. Slow Dick kept insisting that it was going to fall on me. To make him happy I had to wedge a 2x4 against it . Good grief!!! When I moved it the opposite direction I threw the 2x4 out in the yard. Let’s see if he notices?

 

I like your signs should of handed the shovel off lol

 

he will probably step on rake and bash his head in and the table will still be standing

 

Oh the crumbs are nothin'. When you start to really clean I want to hear about about your discoveries. What you find under the "sloshy box", inside the oven, behind the toaster, under the living room chair, etc...

 

Dang, I want to talk but I’m pretty buzzed. It was a very interesting day, and thank God they’re only about nine more days left I think.

 

Thank you for your morning update. It always puts life in perspective. It also makes me feel bad for wanting to leave the grand daughters on the side of the road last night for screaming in the truck all the way home for horseback riding. I swear I believe my ears were bleeding. You put a smile on my face this morning!

 

Rusty, this update is just for you buddy. I forgot about last night. I went to the bathroom sometime last night. Probably 3 AM. There’s a nightlight in the bathroom so the penguins can find their way. I usually sit on the toilet at night time because I don’t turn the light on and I know exactly where the toilet is. Luckily with the nightlight on I saw the toilet seat was up. Boy that would’ve been a shocker! That means slow dick was there before me. When I went to get up off the toilet I’m pretty sure my left foot slipped in something wet on the floor. Yeah, you guessed it. I’m pretty sure slow dick dribbled on the floor. Motherf**ker!!! I should’ve used his bath towel to wipe my feet off.
Today wasn’t too bad. They pretty much stayed out of my way. The best part of today… I pressure washing all the chairs that we’re going to be using for Saturday’s Buick get together. There are these nice Highback chairs in the front of my house with big fat cushions. They were pretty dirty and I pressure washed them real good. They came nice and clean. We were all going out to dinner tonight. The stupid female penguin sat on the big cushion chair waiting for us to leave. Hell yes she got a big wet butt! She had to go back inside and change her pants. Probably went right through her depends. On the way to the restaurant she started hacking. I thought she only did that in the morning. I guess not. I was just thinking about you Rusty and what you said about wanting to drop your grandkids off on the side of the road. I want to drop my mother-in-law off on the side of the road! We get to the restaurant and she is just talking, and talking, and talking. Somebody needs to cut that pull string in her back so she stops talking. Silence would’ve been golden. I made it through another two hours of having to sit up close and listen to her. Boy is she messed up! As soon as she gets her plate full of food she’s trying to give it to different people. I don’t know why she always does that. I don’t even eat food off of my wife’s plate, let alone somebody’s plate that I don’t even like. That’s about it for today.
Tomorrow is Thursday. Just one more week of putting up with them. I can’t wait

 

Good morning, it's not. 7:25 AM and the female penguin is already hacking! 7 more days, 168 more hours, 10,080 seconds. Not only do I get rid of them, but I get rid of the little penguin for a few days. Peace and tranquility!
This morning I need to go to the grocery store to buy some chicken. Then come home and put the chicken in the crockpot on low for several hours. The chicken is for some shredded chicken sandwiches for Saturday's South Florida Buick Get Together.
Oh well... I guess I'll get some breakfast and get my butt moving. Have a GREAT day!

 

Wow, this meme would be perfect for the male penguin, slow Dick with the dribble.

 

I thought of your situation the moment I found, and quickly posted, that meme.

Also reminded me that many of us could become that guy as we age.

 

yes^^ This thread is nuts! what a story, I would say give em a going away present to remind em how much you appreciated them.

 

I see said the blind man….
Tom, you are 100% correct! I’m sure we’re all going to reach that point, but I have been preparing for that. I wear shorts and flip-flops all the time. A few people do not know this because they’re always wearing long pants and shoes, listen up. As I said wearing short pants and flip-flops all the time I’ve definitely noticed if you stand up at your toilet and pee, your feet and lower legs will get splashed on. It’s just a fact. If you don’t care just understand that you were getting piss on the floor. I always sit down when I take a pee, except when using a public urinal. I’m guessing slow dick, with his Parkinson’s disease, can’t keep his noodle pointed correctly. I think it’s time for him to sit down!
My next complaint. I came in the house last night and thought it felt warm. Interesting. I woke up this morning and saw somebody had set the AC thermostat to 76° from 74°. Really? You’re going to start messing with my AC thermostat. I’ll go to Home Depot and put a lock box on that sucker! When they would visit us in Virginia for Thanksgiving he was always kicking up the thermostat a few degrees. If you were outside playing it felt disgusting when you came in. They are starting to get on my nerves!