Your Age as determined by a trip to Home Depot

- You're in the middle of a few projects at your home. You're hot and sweaty, covered in dust, lawn clippings, dirt and paint. You have your old work clothes on -- shorts with the hole in the crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who-knows-what, and an old pair of tennis shoes. Right in the middle of these projects you realize you need supplies from Home Depot.
Depending on your age you might do the following:

In your 20s:
Stop what you're doing. Shave, shower, blow dry your hair, floss, brush your teeth, put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne, because, you might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout line. And yes, you went to school with the pretty young lady running the register.


In your 30s:
Stop what you're doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change your shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the BO. The cute gal running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.


In your 40s:
Stop what you're doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute is almost empty, so why waste it on a trip to Home Depot. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The hot young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird about thinking she's sexy.


In your 50s:
Stop what you're doing. Put on a hat. Wipe your dirty hands on your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dog crap in your freshly restored Buick HotRod. Check yourself in the mirror and vow not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember -- the hat you're wearing is from Bubba's Bait & Beer Bar and it says, 'I Got Worms '


In your 60s:
Stop what you're doing. No need for a hat any more. Hose the dog crap off your shoes. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out of the hole in your pants. The woman running the register may be cute but you don't have your glasses on, so you're not sure.


In your 70s:
Stop what you're doing. Wait to go to Home Depot until the drug store has your prescriptions ready too. Don't even notice the dog crap on your shoes. The young thing at the register stares at you and you realize your balls are hanging out of the hole in your crotch.


In your 80s:
Stop what you're doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember you need to go to Home Depot. Go to Wal-Mart instead. You went to school with the old lady greeter. You wander around trying to remember what you're looking for. Then you fart out loud and think someone called your name.


In your 90s & beyond:
What's a home deep hoe? Something for my garden? Where am I? Who am I? Why am I reading this?
Did I send it? Did you? Who farted? Damn Dog ..

 

Awesome joke. Apparently I am an old soul. I'm 27 and fit more into the 40's category. Been married since 22 to the hot chick. Most people my age tend to annoy me with their morales and principles.

 

Sounds like Everyone at Wal Mart.

Jim

 

Usually by mid 50's the SHARTING starts... Hmmm Bill in TR

 

I feel I've been followed to home depot more than once.

 

wow, I am 29 and by this chart I should be in either the 50s or 60s. I will stop what I am doing brush myself off, change shoes if there is dog crap on them and go to the home depot. Im not out to impress at the home depot

 

No MATTER where I go I'm ALWAYS looking for the "EYE CANDY" & remembering the "DAYS GONE BY" & dreaming.
IF ANYTHING DID HAPPEN & I got lucky LOL it would probably be detrimental to my health, well being & longevity.


Tom T.

 

Lmao at this thread. IM moving into the 30s. This is what I have to look forward to ???

 

LOL, that's a good read!
I usually just check my hair, make sure I don't look like a total dweeb, as my wife would say haha
Im not that anal about my appearance if Im working

 

Yeah, I'm in the 30's range and thats about right. I'd say I fit somewhere in between the 30's and 40's nuances.

Window shopping's alright, as long as you don't try anything on!! Haha. But I always tell my buddies when I see some pretty face, "I'm like the dog that's chasing a car. Don't know what the heck I'd do with it if I did catch it."

 

And that is no joke! Although, if I'm careful, I can still clear an isle in home depot. Just may need a hose to clean up!:laugh:

 

as a friend of mine said,"you can flirt, just don't insert" as long as your lookin' and not touching, I believe it's legal!

 

That's great and pretty true for the most part. I don't fit in my category though(29). When it's time to go lets go. I'm coming right back to work. Now the wife on the other hand takes 30 mins to clean up and get ready. I just tell her to get ready while I keep working.

 

Depot? Is the train coming? Where am I??? Funny thread.

 

Hmmm...I was laying a new step into the garage from the house to replace the old rotten wobbly wooden one that has been there for 12 years (which my wife said was "just fine"), and ripped the crotch outta my jeans when I squatted to float the concrete out. Not only did I not change out, I went for my morning walk the next day with them on. I'm 62. I defy all stereotypes.

 

/\/\/\ I'll bet the boys liked the freedom. :laugh:

 

Damn.. ain't this thread the truth.. late 40's, staring at 50....

Thanks for posting it Alan.. it's a hoot.

 

Thanks for that belly laugh, Alan. Its on its way to a few of my mates.

 

Best read of the new year; it might have traction for the rest of 2015.