There are a lot of lame redneck jokes around, but I thought some of these were pretty funny. Did you hear about the guy from Alabama who passed away and left his entire estate to his beloved widow, but she can't touch it 'til she's 14. How do you know when you're staying in a Kentucky hotel? When you call the front desk and say, "I gotta leak in my sink," and the front desk replies, "Go ahead." How can you tell if a Tennessee redneck is married? There is dried tobacco juice on both sides of his pickup truck. Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in North Carolina to 32? Seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools! What do they call rerun of "Hee Haw" in Alabama? Documentaries. Where was the toothbrush invented? Mississippi. If it were invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush. A Georgia State trooper pulls over a pickup on I-75 and says to the driver, "Got any I.D.?" driver replied, "Bout wut?" Did you hear about the $3 million Arkansas State Lottery? The winner gets $3 a year for a million years. Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Alabama burned down? Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park. The library was a total loss too. Both books - poof! - up in flames and they hadn't even finished coloring one of them. A new law recently passed in West Virginia. When a couple gets divorced, they're STILL brother and sister. (Share your favorites and add to the list.)
Heard that Nebraska graduates have a new use for their diplomas.....Put them in the back window of their pickups and use them for handicap parking permits. (southern redneck humor)
Mrs Hillbilly was standing in the Kitchen making a stew. When her son walked in the back door. [ She was confused as he just got married today and was at the honey moon shack up the way.] She ask him what hes doing there? Her son explained that they were about to make sweet sweet love for the first time and his new bride ask that he be gentle, it was her first time. He was so disgusted that he grabbed his pants and headed for home. Ifs she not good enough for her own family, shes not good enough for ours.
Go figger, porch dun falled ofa ma trayler las nite, perdarn kilt 13 dawgs!!!! :eek2: _____________________________________ Q- What do you call Kentucky foreplay???? A- Get in the truck sis! :shock:
This deserves it's own post.... Back in Alabama Betty-Sue and Johnny were getting hitched. Johnny sat down on his bed and started to get ready for the wedding when in walked his Pa. Pa bounds into the room, sits next to Johnny and says to him,"Ya 'now, tanite you's gonna finlee get yerself some, howza you up fer a little compeetishun?" Johnny thought about it for a bit and replied,"Sherwynawt". Pa then said,"Well evera time ya git yersef a peece jus put a mark awn da wall ova der ba da lite switch, an we'll compair in da mawrneen." The wedding goes off without a hitch (pun intended), no one gets shot, and the dogs make off with most of the cake. But later that night Johnny and Betty-Sue go upstairs to their bedroom. As they walk by the bathroom Pa is standing there and give Johnny a knowing wink. After getting into the bedroom, they consumate their marriage. Johnny gets up from bed, walks over to the wall and puts a mark next to the light switch. The newlyweds sleep for a couple hours and feeling a little frisky they go at it again. Johnny crawls over to the light switch and can baaaaaaaaarrrreeeellllyyy reach up and put the mark on the wall. They lovebirds fall asleep again. Early in the morning Betty-Sue is feeling a little randy so she takes advantage of the situation. Johnny is so worn out he can barely move, so he tells Betty-Sue to go over and put a mark on the wall. She does so. The next morning Betty-Sue leaves her sleeping husband and goes down to help her new mother-in-law with breakfast. A few minutes later Pa comes bouncing into the room all full of energy plops himself down on the bed next to Johnny and asks,"Well howdya do?" Johnny can barely pick up his arm and points at the light switch which had three marks on it. Pa looks at his son, looks back at the wall, gets all wide-eyed and exclaims...... "HUNDERD AN ELEVEN?!?!?!?!? GOSHDARN!!! BEAT ME BY THIRTEEN!!!" :spank:
Re: This deserves it's own post.... LMAO! Dern sher funny!:grin: If ya got more cars sittin' in yore yard than in yore driveway, ya might be a "Ridnick!":Brow:
if youve ever used the ironing board as a buffet table yoooou might be a redneck if your working tv is sittin on top of your not working tv yoooou might be a redneck if your neighbors think youre a detective because you always get brough home in a police car yoooou might be a redneck jeff foxworthy!
did you happen to catch blue collar tv? larry the cable guy, foxworthy and engvall... it was HILARIOUS! Rodney carrington is great too, hes getting his own show as well!
Funny show... Marty/Josh, I caught the show. It is funny. Believe it or not, Larry the Cable Guy is from Nebraska. About 100 miles from here in Omaha. Small town of Pilger, Ne. Funny, funny man!!!
Re: Re: This deserves it's own post.... Uh...oh... I have 3 in my yard, 1 in the driveway, and one in the garage. Average age: 20.
My favorite Jeff Foxworthy! You might be a redneck... ...If you own a home that is mobile, and five cars that aren't... :laugh:
If you walk your son to school because y'all are in the same grade, you might be a redneck. If you consider hub caps a home improvement, you might be a redneck. If people routinely stop in front of your house thinking youre having a yard sale, you might be a red neck. If youve ever mowed your grass and found a car, you might be a redneck. ________ Club Royal Condos Pattaya
