How To Know If You Are Ready To Have Kids

> HOW TO KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE READY TO HAVE KIDS:
> >
> MESS TEST
> Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick behind the
> couch and leave it there all summer.
> >
> TOY TEST
> Obtain a 55 gallon box of Legos (or you may substitute roofing tacks).
> Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to
> walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream because this would wake a child
> at night.
> >
> GROCERY STORE TEST
> Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with
> you as you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or
> damage.
> >
> THE TEE-TIME TEST
> Make a Tee-Time at your favorite golf course for a Saturday afternoon. Then
> instead of showing up to golf, paint the bathroom.
> >
> DRESSING TEST
> Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag
> making sure that all the arms stay inside.
> >
> FEEDING TEST
> Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from
> the ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls
> of soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an
> airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.
> >
> NIGHT TEST
> Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds of
> sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00 p.m. begin to waltz and hum with
> the bag until 9:00 p.m. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for
> 10:00 p.m. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever
> heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 a.m. Set alarm
> for 5:00 a.m. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years.
> Look cheerful.
> >
> INGENUITY TEST
> Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and pot of paint, turn it
> into an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn it into an
> attractive Christmas candle. Use only scotch tape and a piece of foil. Last, take
> a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty box of Cocoa Puffs. Make
> an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower.
> >
> AUTOMOBILE TEST
> Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone
> and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick it
> into the cassette player. Take a family size package of chocolate chip
> cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Dump a carton of action figures on the
> floor, then tear pages out of a dozen books and scatter them under the seats.
> Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.
> There, perfect.
> >
> SANITY TEST
> At 7PM every night for a month play a tape of "Barney Makes Friends". After each
> viewing rewind it and watch it 2 more times.
> >
> PERSONAL BELONGING TEST
> Find something your spouse holds dear to their heart. Preferably a priceless
> heirloom. Smash it and swear you don't know how it happened. Attempt to say
> something that will make them feel better.
> >
> PHYSICAL TEST (Women)
> Obtain a large bean bag chair and attach it to the front of your
> clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans. And try not
> to notice your closet full of clothes. You won't be wearing them for a
> while.
> >
> PHYSICAL TEST (Men)
> Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the
> clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head
> office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the
> store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.
> >
> THE CLEANING TEST
> Go to the park. Approach a wino and attempt to clean the barf off his coat with
> a tissue and a bottle of Evian. When he tries to run away tackle him and wipe
> his nose. Do this without attracting any attention to yourself.
> >
> DINING OUT TEST
> Imagine for days how nice it will be to sit down and be waited on. Picture
> yourself relaxing and conversing with your mate, while staring at your beautiful > child cooing in her carseat. Then apologize to the staff and all the patrons for > the box of Cheerios spilled on the floor, the screaming (yours and your child's), > the toys that were flung on neighboring tables, and the french fries that are
> mashed into the carpet. Then leave before your food arrives and stop at
> McDonald's drive thru on the way home.
> >
> FINAL ASSIGNMENT
> Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they
> can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training and
> child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to
> them that they should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoy
> this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.
> >

 

Man Jeff You had that right on !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have four kids between the ages of 18 months and 9 years
Just wait till they all start driving, wanting trendy clothes, paying for college, and car insurance when they want to drive cool cars.

On the other hand I can have someone else mow the grass and shovel snow.

 

ROTFLMAO

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

These hit home Jeff!

Thanks for the chuckle, I needed it after my commute home tonight :beer

 

I've found that to be the greatest, unexpected benefit of having a child around the house.
He usually has the driveway shoveled before I get home from work. (light snowfalls of course.)
Would you believe my 12 year old stepson Zach, actually asked for a shovel for Christmas?
He's gettin one, and a new bike. :TU:

 

I babysat my grandson for the first time last weekend. He will be 2 in Febuary. I can say he is like a magnet, everything near him is sucked right to him and ends up in his hands! It is a lot more fun when they go home after their visit. Brian :grin:

 

"The great thing about being a father is the mad power rush... A new father will usually be thinking 'To hell with the rest of the world, I can make my OWN people now'"

-Jeff Foxworthy

 

Ha, that was hilarios Jeff and so true.thanks for the laugh.