I might be posting this in the wrong place. Maybe it should be on the forum marked, Help from above. I just found out the date the Penguins are arriving. February 6th. I even heard the female penguin screeching over the phone. They are so excited to come down here, and I feel suicidal. Strange how we have such differing views. My only problem is I don’t have any pain pills to take along with the large amounts of alcohol I am going to drink tonight. I have antibiotics for my recent encounter with a cut off saw, but I don’t think that will kill me. The antibiotics, not the cut off saw. I didn’t count the exact number of days, but I could’ve sworn I was told three weeks. They are not leaving until March 3rd. I just looked at the calendar. That appears to be a little over four weeks. That was not the agreed-upon timeframe. I could hear in her excited voice over the phone that she’s probably planning on wrecking my house real good. I’ve got to go into combat mode.. I already have a list of projects that I’m going to be doing right where she likes to sit and sun herself. More later I’m sure. Right now I need to go to the store and get some snacks and beer for tomorrow’s trip up to Orlando speed world to see the Cadillac attack. Believe me, I’ll be back.
Look, I’m already back. Yes, I had a cut off saw attack me last Sunday morning. It did a real good job on the top of my hand right between my thumb and booger picking finger. Luckily it did not get any tendons. My wife was at my side when it happened. Right away she said I needed to go to the hospital and get stitches. My buddy was there also. He said, you need to wash that out! I looked at both of them and said, you are not my mother! I am not going to wash it out, and I’m not going to go get stitches. I’m going boating today. At least I know where my priorities are. Without getting into the technicalities of my gaping wound getting worse by the day, I was emptying the dishwasher Tuesday morning after family dinner on Monday night. The first thing my one-handed body thought about…. Their whole stay after I had shoulder surgery a few years ago, and was stuck in a sling for two months, that bi*ch never emptied the dishwasher! She didn’t vacuum, she didn’t do anything around the house, but make a mess!!! I never understood how someone could mooch off of someone else for three months and not help out with the chores. Unreal! So yes, there is some deep-seated anger inside me. Luckily I’m probably not planning to murder them because I certainly have given away a lot of evidence here.
Patrick, you are so correct! It’s 5:32 AM and I’m sitting in my patio watching the news, drinking some coffee. Do you know what it’s like to rub the boogers out of your eyes with the wrong finger? Really really weird, and quite honestly it doesn’t work very well.
Can you get a dunk tank for the Buick Bash next month and put them in it? We can all take turns splashing your guests
Dang Steve, that is the most awesome idea. We could do a 50-50 drawing, and she is the guinea pig, I mean penguin.
It is exactly one week until their arrival. I can already taste burnt meat. Yes, that’s what I deal with the whole time her father is here. He likes everything well done. I call it burnt! I already noticed my blood pressure going up as the time gets closer. I found this garlic stuff. Not only might it help my blood pressure, which I normally don’t have a problem with, but it should keep vampires, and my mother-in-law away from me.
This is my back porch right now. I should explain. A couple years ago we had my oldest son‘s wedding. My convertible was the wedding car. I had to bring down tons of totes filled with all my Buick parts to put the car back together after the paint job. Right after my son’s wedding was the female Penguins 80th birthday. I was right in the middle of organizing all of my parts, labeling the totes, and then I was going to put them back up in the attic. Definitely not a job you would do in warm weather. My attic is a hell hole! Lo and behold the baby penguin told me I needed to get everything off of the porch. We have to get this place ready for mom‘s 80th birthday. Are you effing serious! I threw all of my parts into the totes, and I did not have time to organize or label them. I’m trying to organize and label them again. The other night she told me I needed to clear the porch again. Mom and dad will be here next week! I could’ve killed her! Today I made pretty good progress on organizing and labeling. One thing that helped me out was that my youngest son has a 69 GS that just got back from the paint shop. He needs lots of my parts! I was very happy to offload a whole bunch of my hoarding stuff. Don’t you all worry, I’m not going to work fast and I’m not going to take my garlic blood pressure medicine.
Things I think about… I got two new air conditioning systems in my house a couple weeks ago. I am really really really happy with the new AC systems. They blow some serious air. When I sit at the peninsula in the kitchen it will blow paper plates and napkins off of the countertop. Well, an empty paper plate. I can’t wait till my mother-in-law sits there. They would love my house to be approximately 85° in the winter. Ain’t gonna happen.
The best part of my day…. My oldest son told me that my grandson, 7 years old, was having problems in reading. He said, dad, I read with him but it just drives me up the wall. He doesn’t pay attention and he goes off task. (I thought I was talking to a mirror! ) I laughed. Now it’s my job. Every afternoon JC3 comes over to read with JC1. We have a blast! I guess it’s the teacher part of me, lots of patience. He actually reads really really well, and comprehends really really well. I don’t see a problem. Back to my mother-in-law… So I said in the previous post we got two new air conditioning systems in the house. I also mentioned that they blow really really good. Way better than the old systems did. There is a big air conditioning vent right where the penguin sits watching TV. I can’t wait for that baby to kick on, and to see the look on her face. She’s going to be looking for her winter jacket!
Snakes … The penguins are scared to death of snakes. I guess that’s what the Midwest people do. When I was a kid we used to catch them all the time. They don’t call corn snakes black racers for nothing! We caught snakes and brought them home. So when my kids were young they had a whole bunch of fake snakes. They would put them around the toilet for grandpa to see in the morning. They would put them on the front porch where they would sun themselves. They would move these snakes around and scare the crap out of the old farts every single day they were here. Maybe that’s why they were only here for two weeks back in the old days. I like snakes, a lot. Maybe I should go to the pet store and buy some. Nothing like having a big python cruising around inside the house. OK by me.
Dang, I guess that’s it for now. I do feel much better blowing off all the steam, and being sarcastic, and truthful. Y’all have a great night!
Thank you Steve! I’ll have to get one of those signs and put it in the front yard. They probably won’t understand it.
There, the porch is cleaned off. I hated every minute of it but I did find a lot of parts that I did not know I even owned.
Yes, I know there’s stuff at the back end of the porch. I threw out my two sons life out of my attic. The one son had a race track. That’s one of the boxes on the porch. There’s a miniature train set. That’s another couple boxes. There’s a great big Lego thing that’s going out in the backyard for the grandkids to play with. It’s going to the backyard until they all go away.
I found an Audiovox AM/FM 8 track radio that I’m pretty sure it worked when I put it up there in the attic. I’m going to take the AM/FM cassette player out of the grandma golden Skylark and put the 8 track in the dash. Much more age-appropriate.
Patrick, don’t forget to remind me to bring your stainless steel trim pieces up to Bowling Green. You can see the ends of the long pieces sitting in the right hand side of the picture on top of the foam rubber.
More pictures of my attic whore. I said bored. No, I said bored. We’re getting closer. Horde. Finally!
