A couple 'Jokes' I found about vehicles.... How To Identify A Driver's Home One hand on wheel, One hand on horn: New York One hand on wheel, one finger out window: Chicago One hand on wheel, One hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston One hand on wheel, One hand in pants, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator: California* *with gun in lap: L.A. Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California. Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Italy One hand on Latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on game: Seattle One hand on wheel, One hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both on the brake, throwing a McDonalds bag out the window: Texas city male One hand on wheel, One hand hanging out the window, keeping speed steadily at 70mph, driving down the center of the road unless coming around a blind curve, in which case they are on the left side of the road: Texas country male One hand constantly refocusing the rear-view mirror to show different angles of the BIG hair, One hand going between mousse, brush, and rat-tail to keep the helmet hair going, both feet on the accelerator, poodle steering the car, chrome .38 revolver with mother of pearl inlaid handle in the glove compartment: Texas female Both hands on steering wheel in a relaxed posture, eyes constantly checking the rear-view mirror to watch for visible emissions from their own or another's car: Colorado One hand on steering, yelling obscenities, the other hand a waving gun out the window and firing repeatedly, keeping a careful eye out for landmarks along the way so as to be able to come back and pick up any bullets that didn't hit other motorists so as not to litter: Colorado resident on spotting a car with Texas plates. BUICK Butt Ugly Import Car Killer Butt Ugly Indestructable Compact Killer Butt Ugly In Central Kentucky Built Under the Inspection of a Crazy Korean Bought Understanding It Can't Kickbutt YOU MIGHT RACE A BUICK IF ... *Race prepping your car means turning off the ac. *You have a "Big is Beautiful" license plate holder. *You have safety harnesses instead of seat belts for five occupants. *You only have to be careful of traffic AHEAD of you when you merge onto the Interstate *Your race car has never been on a trailer. *You think anything less than a 455 is a small block. *You won't race motorcycles beacuse it isn't fair . . . to them! *You've ever had to take a different route because of bridge weight limits. *You plan road trips from gas station to gas station. *Your wife's car runs 12s. *You painted your riding lawnmower black and turbocharged it. *You think 5000 pound cars and stationwagons are great dragstrip material. *The wrecker service calls you when they get their rigs stuck. *You have heard the phrase "That's a Buick!? from more than 5 punk kids in Daddy's 'Vette after you shut them down. *You have sucked so many bumpers off other cars, your car is nicknamed "The Hoover." *18 wheelers yield to you. *You can fit a month of groceries in your trunk and still run 12s. *You've ever been pulled over for failing to stop at a weigh station. *Your car has more towing capacity than a one ton duelie. *You think every race car should have ac and power windows. *You get signed thank you cards from the presidents of Phillips 66 and Texaco at Christmas. *You think every four door should have a cam, headers and slicks and runs 12s. *The phrase "231? Is that all?" and "That ain't no V6!" make the hair on the back of your neck stand up. *You've said "No, it's not an SS" more than 3 times this week. *You've never seen the tail lights of a Mustang GT. *Your friend's 5.0 'Stang runs 13s by being towed behind your car. *The local Mustang guys are claiming they've been abused because your car spanks them so bad. *You've raced your daily driver against a tube frame, blown, nitroused big block powered 'Stang . . . and won.
