It was ten oclock at night and I wuz sittin in my chiz-air Watchin thunderbolt and lightfoot, what else is there? Peeped the chase scene, Damn that boattails tight! But I mustve seen the scene thirty times just that night The kids were asleep and so was the wife Turned off the television thinkin this is my life? Thought about my Buick, hell, I cant afford to start it Broke as hell, bored as well, I went to the can and farted Opened up the latest hot rod mag to tide me over Nothing but camaros a ranchero and two novas! Threw the H.R. in the trash, started thinking bout crashin Right up out the blue yo my cell phone started flashin Picked it up, sorry Tony, cant do anything tonight He said Im on your street, twenty feet to the right Remember that guy Brian with the chevy at the bar? He said his old impala could uh blow away your car? I remembered meeting Brian. Hed challenged me to race I think I might have said Anytime. Anyplace. I said man, Im sorry, I but tony cut me off He says if you dont race him youre as gay as Hasslehoff. My mind was made up, as I got up off the throne You tell him 30 seconds, and I hung up the phone I was thinkin am I crazy? cuz my cars not all that fast Hell yeah I am! I thought, as I didnt wipe my ass Threw on my boots and my lucky Buick shirt My lucky hat too. I mean hell, it couldnt hurt Grabbed the keys hella quiet so the wifey wasnt privy I snuck out the back door and I headed for the Rivi Tony met me in the driveway, saw the imp down the street Twas a donk! And jacked-up to the roof, I thought sweet! Tony told me if I needed any gas that he would buy it I said SHHHH! Shes asleep man we gotta be quiet Couldnt start the 430 cuz my flowmasters rock Had to roll it out the drive and four houses down the block Damn! but a 68 Rivi is heavy! At 5 mph, we rolled up to the chebby I heard Brian laughin, makin fun of us rollin I told him You dont know? Man, this Buick is stolen! By the way, your purple paint job is really nifty Listened to the idle, it was only a 350! That a Lark? Bow-tie said. I replied to him Wrong! My doors are way too long just like cheech and chongs bong. Got an acre of hood, this car is 18 by 8 So large I had to register the thing in two states In fact its so damn big that I dont think the front seat would Fit in a same year Cadillac Fleetwood But that didnt matter, its Buick power I was packing Under the hood, right where the chebby was lacking Started up and cursed my Buicks premium thirst Before eating an impala she needed gasoline first Put twenty in the tank and I got some refreshments Ice-cold selections from refrigerated sections The dude behind the counter said uhhh 69 gran prix? I lied olds omega. circa 73. Rolled out the gas station, with both tires spinnin Both of us grinnin knowin what was beginnin Cruised to the last light heading out of town Took a look around, no cops to be found Windows were down exhaust was shakin the ground Nother clown in bow-tie about to go down My arm hung out the side, we were blarin heavy metal I had one hand on the wheel and both feet on the pedals Light was still red but bowtie launched, what an ass As it turned my tires burned and I was Goin fast with class Grinning, tires spinning, I passed him still in first His chebby moving worse than a hearse in reverse My quadrajet was flowin all 800 cfm By the time I went to second I was gone with the wind At 100 miles an hour he was eight lengths back My riv was still strong like a gorilla on crack When we hit 130, the donk had disappeared Just a tiny glow of neon in my rear view mirror While the car pulled us harder than a kick in the pants I thought about my ten degrees initial advance All those nights in the garage full of rust and blood and sweat All those wasted days at work, hunting parts on the net Putting in my carpet with a dull pair of scissors Reading that damn timing thread by Larry the wizard Id built my car myself while Id learned from the best Spent a lot of time and money. Was it worth it? Hell yes! Eased off the gas, I slowed down to 111 (I got the top-end because my posis 3.07) The race was really over way before it had started Brian, though retarded, had more balls than his car did We turned toward the bar, where every race finishes To collect on our bet, a couple pints of Guinnesses Tony grinning ear-to-ear asked me what you high on Howard? I told him wasnt nothing but beer and Buick Power!
When I read the line "...strong like a gorilla on crack." I couldn't stop laughing. Nice one, I'll have to remember a couple of those lines. Zach
Who needs the Sugar Hill Gang singing "I've got a Lincoln Continental and a sunroof Cadillac" ? This is so much better..........:TU: