Riviera Rap

Discussion in 'Kill Stories (Where Hemis Never Win)' started by Howrad, Jul 4, 2008.

  1. Howrad

    Howrad idiot... SAVANT!

    It was ten oclock at night and I wuz sittin in my chiz-air
    Watchin thunderbolt and lightfoot, what else is there?
    Peeped the chase scene, Damn that boattails tight!
    But I mustve seen the scene thirty times just that night
    The kids were asleep and so was the wife
    Turned off the television thinkin this is my life?
    Thought about my Buick, hell, I cant afford to start it
    Broke as hell, bored as well, I went to the can and farted

    Opened up the latest hot rod mag to tide me over
    Nothing but camaros a ranchero and two novas!
    Threw the H.R. in the trash, started thinking bout crashin
    Right up out the blue yo my cell phone started flashin
    Picked it up, sorry Tony, cant do anything tonight
    He said Im on your street, twenty feet to the right
    Remember that guy Brian with the chevy at the bar?
    He said his old impala could uh blow away your car?

    I remembered meeting Brian. Hed challenged me to race
    I think I might have said Anytime. Anyplace.
    I said man, Im sorry, I but tony cut me off
    He says if you dont race him youre as gay as Hasslehoff.
    My mind was made up, as I got up off the throne
    You tell him 30 seconds, and I hung up the phone
    I was thinkin am I crazy? cuz my cars not all that fast
    Hell yeah I am! I thought, as I didnt wipe my ass

    Threw on my boots and my lucky Buick shirt
    My lucky hat too. I mean hell, it couldnt hurt
    Grabbed the keys hella quiet so the wifey wasnt privy
    I snuck out the back door and I headed for the Rivi
    Tony met me in the driveway, saw the imp down the street
    Twas a donk! And jacked-up to the roof, I thought sweet!
    Tony told me if I needed any gas that he would buy it
    I said SHHHH! Shes asleep man we gotta be quiet

    Couldnt start the 430 cuz my flowmasters rock
    Had to roll it out the drive and four houses down the block
    Damn! but a 68 Rivi is heavy!
    At 5 mph, we rolled up to the chebby
    I heard Brian laughin, makin fun of us rollin
    I told him You dont know? Man, this Buick is stolen!
    By the way, your purple paint job is really nifty
    Listened to the idle, it was only a 350!

    That a Lark? Bow-tie said. I replied to him Wrong!
    My doors are way too long just like cheech and chongs bong.
    Got an acre of hood, this car is 18 by 8
    So large I had to register the thing in two states
    In fact its so damn big that I dont think the front seat would
    Fit in a same year Cadillac Fleetwood
    But that didnt matter, its Buick power I was packing
    Under the hood, right where the chebby was lacking

    Started up and cursed my Buicks premium thirst
    Before eating an impala she needed gasoline first
    Put twenty in the tank and I got some refreshments
    Ice-cold selections from refrigerated sections
    The dude behind the counter said uhhh 69 gran prix?
    I lied olds omega. circa 73.
    Rolled out the gas station, with both tires spinnin
    Both of us grinnin knowin what was beginnin

    Cruised to the last light heading out of town
    Took a look around, no cops to be found
    Windows were down exhaust was shakin the ground
    Nother clown in bow-tie about to go down
    My arm hung out the side, we were blarin heavy metal
    I had one hand on the wheel and both feet on the pedals
    Light was still red but bowtie launched, what an ass
    As it turned my tires burned and I was Goin fast with class

    Grinning, tires spinning, I passed him still in first
    His chebby moving worse than a hearse in reverse
    My quadrajet was flowin all 800 cfm
    By the time I went to second I was gone with the wind
    At 100 miles an hour he was eight lengths back
    My riv was still strong like a gorilla on crack
    When we hit 130, the donk had disappeared
    Just a tiny glow of neon in my rear view mirror

    While the car pulled us harder than a kick in the pants
    I thought about my ten degrees initial advance
    All those nights in the garage full of rust and blood and sweat
    All those wasted days at work, hunting parts on the net
    Putting in my carpet with a dull pair of scissors
    Reading that damn timing thread by Larry the wizard
    Id built my car myself while Id learned from the best
    Spent a lot of time and money. Was it worth it? Hell yes!

    Eased off the gas, I slowed down to 111
    (I got the top-end because my posis 3.07)
    The race was really over way before it had started
    Brian, though retarded, had more balls than his car did
    We turned toward the bar, where every race finishes
    To collect on our bet, a couple pints of Guinnesses
    Tony grinning ear-to-ear asked me what you high on Howard?
    I told him wasnt nothing but beer and Buick Power!
     
  2. 75Riv

    75Riv A.K.A. Harry Clamshell

    :TU:

    already have the music that goes with it?
     
  3. poison heart

    poison heart Well-Known Member

    Hahahahaha That's Great
     
  4. faster

    faster Well-Known Member

    Enjoyed that!

    Mikey
     
  5. Buick Kid

    Buick Kid Well-Known Member

    That sounded very inspired. I was nodding to the beat in my head. That rhyme had some flow.
     
  6. Deathon4wheels

    Deathon4wheels Outlaw of the Riviera

    When I read the line "...strong like a gorilla on crack." I couldn't stop laughing. Nice one, I'll have to remember a couple of those lines.

    Zach
     
  7. Vert68

    Vert68 Temecula,Ca

    Man that was to much, probably the best Kill story I've ever read on here.

    :beer
     
  8. Rivman

    Rivman Senior Ottawa Buick Guy

    . . . that's sic Howrad ! :beer :laugh: :TU:
     
  9. 2tone-t

    2tone-t 73 Stage 1

    That Was Beautiful!!!
     
  10. Nothingface5384

    Nothingface5384 Detail To Oil - Car Care

    PRETTY BAD ASS this needs printed and framed LOL
     
  11. Mister T

    Mister T Just truckin' around

    I wonder if Kid Rock would perform that??:laugh: :laugh:

    Very enjoyable.:TU:
     
  12. Nothingface5384

    Nothingface5384 Detail To Oil - Car Care

    naw we need (hed) PE to do it:pp
     
  13. Howrad

    Howrad idiot... SAVANT!

    wow! thanks guys!
    the bad day i was having just got a little better!
    :beer
     
  14. K0K0

    K0K0 Jamie

    great job that was cool
    jamie
     
  15. skierkaj

    skierkaj Day 2 Street Screamer

    Dang! I wanna hear it to some tunes now!
     
  16. Bad Boattail

    Bad Boattail Guest

    Who needs the Sugar Hill Gang singing "I've got a Lincoln Continental and a sunroof Cadillac" ?
    This is so much better..........:TU:

     
  17. fastest430

    fastest430 Well-Known Member

    Thats a great play on words,~~~WORD~~~:blast: :blast: :blast:
     

Share This Page