I miss her some times

Discussion in 'Help From Above' started by DeeVeeEight, Sep 15, 2017.

  1. DeeVeeEight

    DeeVeeEight Well-Known Member

    The title has two meanings. One brings to mind a joke I saw on TV one day. The Comedian said it was a poem he wrote called "I miss her some times". It went like this....

    I ran in to an old girl friend of mine the other day

    Then I backed up and ran in to her again

    I miss her sometimes

    And that pretty much sums up how I feel about one of my ex girl friends.

    But on a much more serious side

    In another two weeks or so it will be 17 years since my Wife passed. I never remarried. I dated a lot for a while and then I met the ex GF mentioned above and that pretty much put an end to my dating several years ago. I just don't want to deal with that kind of BS any more. I got hurt and I got gun shy.
    But I digress.
    I really do miss her, my Wife, sometimes.
    Okay, most times.
    I miss having someone to share the responsibilities of every day life with. The decision making, the food shopping, sharing the house hold and life's day to day tasks. I miss a gentle touch, a caring look, a kind word and even a not so kind word when I deserve it. I miss sharing meals, sharing good times and bad, making plans for vacations and going on said vacations. I miss making dinner for her and the way she wanted me to handle the finances even though I am so bad at it. And I'll admit, I miss the extra income from her job, we both made about the same amount of money. It was not a lot, either of our salaries but together it was a comfortable income and we made a good life of it.
    And I really, really miss being able to ask "Honey, what do you think?"
    Seventeen years. She died way too young. She would have been 65 this December.

    I try to start each day with a prayer of Gratitude. I thank Him for all of the goodness each day brings. I thank Him for walking beside me and not abandoning me. I also thank my loved ones, alive and passed, for looking over and protecting me.
    My life is not perfect and the stress of being alone is not good but all in all I have been blessed. If I live to see it and I am pretty sure I will, this coming February will mark my 20th anniversary of being in business for myself. Next Friday the 22nd, if all goes well with the bank and my mortgage refinance, I will clear myself once and for all of the mess I got myself into with the ex GF. I had her co sign my old mortgage/loan and have regretted it deeply. Last week my Son bought his first new home and he is rehabing it before he moves in. He has been working with me in my business for about 3 years now and while it was rough for the first 2 years, he has really grown a lot and has been a great asset to me and the business, which will be his one day.
    My life has been a journey. All in all it has been a good one. Not glamorous but nothing to be ashamed of either. With a bit of luck I will get another decade or two or three before my time is up. My Grandfather married 5 times and lived to the age of 93. Who knows what life will bring?
    Thank You for allowing me to vent. My emotions are all over the place. Who knows, maybe I am bi-polar now? Happy and sad, up and down. But Grateful for it all.
    And yes, I miss her some times
  2. OHC JOE


    Hey bud it's good to let it out and talk about it doesn't matter how long it has been.Have a good weekend
    Smokey15 likes this.
  3. bostoncat68

    bostoncat68 Platinum Level Contributor

    Nicely put... thank you for posting
    Smokey15 likes this.
  4. efogs400

    efogs400 Well-Known Member

    Well said...
    Smokey15 likes this.
  5. Golden Oldie 65

    Golden Oldie 65 Well-Known Member

    Nice post, Lee. My heart goes out to you. We all face trying times and it's never easy but we really have no choice but to deal with them the best we know how. In my case, nearly 4 years ago now my wife suddenly came down with a rare spinal disorder called Transverse Myelitis which left her paralyzed from the waist down. There is about a 30% full recovery rate for this so we had high hopes, but it didn't happen. She has regained most of her movement but not much of the feeling in her lower extremities, so there's no balance unless she's hanging onto something. Still, through therapy she has been able to walk short distances with a walker to keep up her strength. Everyday I come home for lunch and we walk down the street and back as far as she can stand it. A year and a half ago she had a spinal cord stimulator implanted which has help immensely with her pain but she still suffers from some of it. As for vacations, traveling with a wheelchair isn't an easy task so we haven't attempted it, but this summer she was making good progress walking up the street and she mentioned that she would really like us to go to Door County, WI, a place we both loved and used to go every couple years. I made a deal with her that if she could make it all the way to the corner by Labor Day, we would go. She not only made it to the corner 5 days in a row before Labor Day but she also made it across the street the 4 days following, so I made reservations and we spent Monday thru Thursday this week in Door County. The weather was perfect and so was our week. She earned it and she deserved it and I firmly believe that we had been looked upon from a higher power all week. Still, we know the score. She's 63 now and I will be in a couple weeks so we don't have age on our side. She's not going to get better and not a day goes by that I don't worry about what will happen next. In the long run, as painful as it will be for me I pray that she dies before me so she doesn't have to go into a nursing home. Until then, I will continue to take care of her and cross each bridge when I come to them. People ask me how I do it, the shopping, the errands, the housework, etc. I always respond with, " I married her for a reason and that reason hasn't changed just because she's in a wheelchair". I apologize if my post appears to hijack the thread, I just thought it might be good therapy for others to vent the heartbreaks of their lives. Sometimes it helps a little.
  6. DeeVeeEight

    DeeVeeEight Well-Known Member

    It is simply a labor of love my friend.
    I took care of Fay at home for about a year before cancer took her. I was in way over my head but we chose not to put her in hospice care. I was not qualified or trained to provide the level of care that she needed but we both felt that it would be better than having strangers care for her.
    Keep up the good fight and good luck, enjoy your vacation(s) and your time together.
    Dadrider, matt68gs400 and Smokey15 like this.
  7. DasRottweiler

    DasRottweiler -BuickAddict-

    They say God only burdens you with what you can handle.....
    If life in indeed a test, both of you gentlemen will recieve 100% plus extra credit..... my hats off to both of you....Jim
    matt68gs400 and Smokey15 like this.
  8. Smokey15

    Smokey15 So old that I use AARP bolts.

    Lee And Bill, You are both very well qualified to give care, loving care. You have His hands to guide you and your heart does the rest. Be assured, You men can always come to us, your friends and brothers, when you need. That's what we are here for. We may not always know the best advice to help, but we sure do know how to care. It's what friends do.
  9. DeeVeeEight

    DeeVeeEight Well-Known Member

    You guys are the best
  10. gsfred

    gsfred Founders Club Member

    Burdens are not always fair, It's how you deal with them that makes the difference. Like both of you I have had my tests. First one was with my 1st wife. She passed at age 31 from cancer. At the time we had a 6 and 3 year old. Never thought of giving them up. Played mister Mom for a number of years. I remember sitting on the edge of the bed thinking wasn't I just here? Work, kids, cooking, shopping, homework, etc. Don't know how I did it. Several years later I met my 2nd wife. We were married for 18 years, and again cancer struck. I again picked up the pieces. I have now been marred to my 3rd wife for 12 years.
    The message here is don't give up, don't crawl in a hole. There is to much to life to see and enjoy. You will always have that special place for those that you have lost. Look to the future, it is yours to enjoy.
  11. chucknixon

    chucknixon Founders Club Member

    Incredible stories guys. Keep thinking positive thoughts even though it is sometimes very tough as you go through the daily grind. You guys deserve a medal for valor and are wonderful encouragement to the rest of us.
    Smokey15 likes this.
  12. Golden Oldie 65

    Golden Oldie 65 Well-Known Member

    I agree. V8Buick is really my only social media and I have come to feel the same. Although I have only met a few of the members in person, I have come to feel that the members here are the best on the planet and I am honored to be a part of it. My condolences and best wishes go out to those of you who have suffered and my sincere thanks for all your kind comments.
    Smokey15 likes this.
  13. faster

    faster Well-Known Member

    My heart goes out to you Lee. Don't know what I'd do if I lost my wife. She has been the keel that keeps me upright in the storms; I can't imagine anyone else taking care of me, the kids and this house the way she does. That said never feel like you have to try to fill the space left by your wife, I am fairly sure I would not.

    Smokey15 likes this.
  14. matt68gs400

    matt68gs400 Well-Known Member

    God and gratitude. What an excellent way to start the day. By the grace of God, we get through the darkness and hopefully thrive again. Thanks for sharing!
    Smokey15 likes this.
  15. DeeVeeEight

    DeeVeeEight Well-Known Member

    This past Friday all went well. I went to the Title agency and signed the new mortgage papers. This weekend has been very peaceful. I feel much more at ease and can now move forward with plans to maintain and improve the house. It is mine (and the banks) and the storm has passed.
    DasRottweiler and Smokey15 like this.
  16. taf44667

    taf44667 69 Vert 4-Speed

    Well said Lee and Fred, its been 4 long months for me, and it's tough been working on car but think about here damn near every minute of the day. After 35 years been with her since I was 16 its tough to do anything without her but I am making progress, posts like this give some hope.
  17. Smokey15

    Smokey15 So old that I use AARP bolts.

    And should the time come that you want to express anything, Terry, we are here for you as well, Sir. Peace be with you.
  18. DeeVeeEight

    DeeVeeEight Well-Known Member

    Hey Terry, I'm sorry. If it helps, I ask myself "what she would want for me" when I am in doubt.

    Be well,

    Smokey15 likes this.

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