Jerry, is Steve being fictitious? His penguins are painted on the truck. We did have a great time. Gary unfortunately had to go home because his little dogs got loose and were running around his neighborhood. Milton and Fred stayed for hours. We had a real good time hanging out together and BSing about our cars. Gary left us a bunch of real delicious German beers. Almost took me and the kids to the wrong side. (Buzzed!) Then we ate lunch. After Milton and Fred left we got back to work and actually accomplished quite a bit. The front clip is on and bolted down. It looks GREAT!!! I need to upload some pictures. I'll be back...
Did I do it? Did I download some pictures? The first picture is a couple of weeks ago before the front clip got painted. 2nd picture is Fred and Milton getting some lunch. The last pictures are Scott and Alex after the front clip got put on the car.
Steve, I to wish you lived closer! I'll bet the penguin on your truck gets in the way far less than my penguins. It was amazing how many times the penguin(s), yes there was a whole flock of them yesterday, got in the way. They have an uncanny way of always standing right in the way. Alex and I were working on the fuel pump wiring in the back of the car. Scott and my buddy John were screwing in all the relays and sensors in the front of the car. There was a male penguin standing in the way at each end of the car! Finally the penguins went in the house and then we partied!!!
My penguin is enjoying her new habitat next door. It’s seperate, self contained, has its own water and power sources and waste removal. It may have crumbs, feed containers, and other debris scattered about, but I can’t see it from here. Ah, peace. I do wish I had beer drinking Buick buddies nearby, but I’ll settle for drinking alone or with acquaintances for now. Patrick
Dear Buick Friends... Yes this is going to be a rant, but I will do my best to make it humorous. Today started out as usual. I woke up, got my coffee, and observed the female penguin trying to burn the house down. She refuses to move the toaster out from under the kitchen cabinets when she makes 1 of her daily messes, the bagel. I don't care anymore. Burn the place to the ground!!! I'll live outside in my conversion van. Now I'm going to back up a month or so. My youngest son was here over Christmas break. He came with his gf and their 1 year old German Sheppard. If you never had an 85 lbs. giant puppy I've got stories for you. Before they got here I "had" vegetable gardens. I had 36 tomato plants, about 24 pepper plants, broccoli plants, squash plants, brussel sprouts, and more all grown from seed. By the time Tank left, yes, that's the dog's name, I still have 36 tomato plants and 1 brussel sprout. Tank either dug up, yes, he is made for "trench warfare", or trampled through all of my gardens! After he got bored digging holes to China he would just run and jump around the backyard. I used to have a beautiful lawn in my backyard. He literally aerated the backyard so well with his giant paws that there is NO grass anywhere. I know in the back of my head the penguins are coming. I told the little penguin, my wife, that she must tell her parents immediately after their arrival that they are NOT allowed to go in the backyard. They are NOT going to go in and out of the house all day long dragging dirt into the house and sanding the shine right off our new wood floors. I also told her to tell her mom that she must eat at the table and not make her food mess on our couches and recliner. (She did neither.) The penguins showed up while Tank was still here. I was hoping he would intimidate them and they would stay with the loony birds. He is untrained and loves to jump on you, chew on your arms till they bleed, and bark loudly FOREVER! The best I got was they stayed in the house, probably making a mess. My son, his gf, and Tank left and went back home. The penguins took over their old roost. The female penguin has moved her crumb mess from the recliner to the couch. Apparently they can sense a dirty perch, even if it was from last year. I swear my son and I tipped the chair over and beat the bagel crumbs out of it. (Sorry Jerry, we never did weigh the crumbs, but their were a lot!) The birds stayed here for about 3 weeks before migrating over to the west coast to hang with the main flock. I must tell you all, my penguin has an aversion to house chores. After a week they spilled enough crumbs that I couldn't take it! I come home from work and they're nesting on the back porch drinking cheap wine and crappy beer. I go in the house and drag all the throw rugs outside, and the female penguin says, "What are you doing?" I said nicely, "I'm going to vacuum." The female penguin says, "Why?" I couldn't contain myself any longer. I said, "The floors are DISGUSTING!" As I was vacuuming they gave me a dirty look and left for the evening. (I should say that EVERY day!) Two weeks later the birds were gone. YEAH! I vacuumed everywhere. I got down on my hands and knees and scrubbed all the floors to get their coffee stains and ground in food off of my floors. They stayed clean for a week and then the birds were back. What a waste of time and work cleaning the floors. The food and stains might have protected the floors from more sanding. We had a family dinner the other night. Everyone is sitting at the family room table. The female penguin is laughing at all the food in her shirt as she sits on the couch. I gave my wife the dirtiest look. I really wish I had said, WE DON"T EAT DINNER ON THE COUCHES, unless it's a special occasion, like a lot of people are over. I just went outside and drank more beer. I just read over my future post. It is not really that humorous. I do give all of you permission to laugh at my plight... There is more. So today I come home and their car is here. They were supposed to go to the loony birds house for the day. I am sooooo disappointed. I really thought I was coming home to NOBODY!!! I walk into the side yard and it's quiet. They are always on the back porch drinking cheap wine and crappy beer??? I actually said out loud, "Wow! Maybe the loony birds drove?" They are not here! I sat on the picnic table, popped open a cold beer, began to relax, and then the screeching sound of the female penguins voice!!! "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" I about crapped my pants!!! She's sitting in the back corner of the porch reading a book. She immediately informs me Dick, yes... that's the male penguins name, has caught MY cold. I wanted to tell her neighbor John's family had the cold, buddy Jack had the cold, I had the cold, the loony birds had the cold, everyone has had the cold, but it's MY cold! To bad it wasn't the flu! No, I will not retract that!!! Low and behold Dick appears. (Stop thinking that way!!!) He says he feels much better. Dick just needed to take a nap. It's kinda like erectile disfunction. So Dick comes outside and follows me through all of my chores telling me about how they didn't nothing today. I go in for dinner. Little penguin and loud penguin are already eating spaghetti. Thank goodness loud penguin is actually at the table. I get in the kitchen and somehow slow Dick got in front of me. I guess that's better than a Dick behind you! He actually cut his meatballs in half on his plate at the stove! I could have gone outside and drank another beer! I finally get my meal and go to the family room table. Loud bird is finished pecking at her meal and goes to the kitchen with her plate. Within moments she's back in the family room watching Jeopardy. (What a boring a$$ show!!!) My wife watches it too. Sorry if I offended anyone. Go out to your garage, pop a cold one, and listen to music! I finish my meal, take my plate to the kitchen to rinse it off, and put it in the dishwasher. What do I see? Yes, her.... messy plate is sitting on the kitchen counter! Really??? I try to be nice and think... "Maybe the dishwasher is still full of clean dishes?" I open the dishwasher and it is empty. Then I look at ALL the pots and pans that are clean in the dry side of the sink. Really??? You were home ALL day doing NOTHING and not only are the clean pots and pans not put away, but there are brownie crumbs smeared on the kitchen floor and crumbs from the sandwich Dick ate earlier on the kitchen counter. Yes, Dicks like sandwiches, especially if someone else makes it for them. Some Dicks like their meat in between white bread. Some like Italian bread. Some..... I'll just stop there........ So I got upset with the whole situation, went outside, packed my lunch cooler with cold beer, and went to my buddies garage. That's my story and I'm sticking with it! PS.... My youngest son, gf, and Tank will be back next weekend. We are still putting together the 83, 85, 87 Buick turbo charged Regal. It has been quite a project. My sons and I have had some seriously good times working on this crazy car. It is registered, insured, and close to being on the road!!!
Wow!!! I just read this post backwards a bit. This post sounds just like post 137. I guess some things never change.
Wow, John! Before you snap and go postal..... .....Sounds to me like a few people need to be sat down and have a bit of a 'talking to'. No way would any of our kids allow their dogs to ruin our garden. They know they would have to be responsible. As for the penguins, if your wife won't tell them that they need to be more considerate, I guess you have to be 'the bad guy'. Maybe it's because we are old, but we no longer let anyone trample over us. It is your home. Should be your rules. Although the posts are entertaining, I don't like to see you having to hide out or leave your own home, my friend. You're just too much of a nice guy.
Have you seen the insurance commercial with the penguins? Following the GPS to the mating grounds. 3 more days and well be sitting on some eggs....... Recalculating.... What? Now Im never gonna breed!
I feel for you! I remember my biggest penguin complaint was her not even acknowledging the ‘sloshy box’ under the counter. I swear the best move ever for us was building a seperate habitat for her. Failing that, you need to make your environment uninhabitable. Can you ‘break’ your A/C? ‘Renovate’ the habitat, maybe with really odiferous paint or stain? (Maybe a ‘long term’ project that just never seems to get finished?). Good luck, drink beer, don’t kill them, I think they’re on some protect species list. Patrick
Move up here to Canada, they'll leave you alone, no one wants to come up here during the winter. We don't even have penguins here, too far north even for them.
Jerry, Steve, Patrick, and Marc, Thank you for making me laugh! I'm going to take this one at a time..... Jerry, I messed up. My thread was NOT as funny as I wanted it to be. I'm good. When we meet at BG this year, I think you said you are going, you will see my cup is ALWAYS full. Not my beer Steve! Alright, that's a lie. I hope you laugh at this.... You all see my picture. I am a 60 year old REDNECK that has worked in a ghetto middle school for 27 years. That makes me laugh in itself! I am retiring this year after 37 years teaching. Whoa!!! I jump out of bed in the morning racing to finish the day. 71 more kid days left in my life!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! A bigger party than New Years Eve, my birthday by the way. Steve, You are always a BLAST!!! In another post last night I said, "I will be retired. I'm leaving early for BG." Deb, Alex, and Scott will still meet up with you. Yes, I'm going to race the little 350 again, but this time.... I'll take your suggestions!!! Thank you Steve! Patrick.... Your idea about the house is AWESOME! We're actually going to do it the way you did. My sons and I are going to put up the white flag and give up South Florida. Tooooooo many illegals and even worse, green card holding Haitians, that are seriously what our PRESIDENT allegedly said, "Sh t hole"people. Example: I pull into the local Walmart to get gas, without my passport. What??? There's a Haitian man pumping gas in his busted up Ford minivan allowing his 5 year old son to PEE ON THE GAS PUMP!!!!!!!!!!! If you don't think I beeeeeped my horn and cursed him out, you are WRONG! We are going to move at least 100 miles north of here. Vero Beach??? Love it, but not far enough. Sebastian area, maybe. Melborne??? Quite possible. You can still get 5 acres for a reasonable price. We get acreage, build 3 houses, (a VERY little one for the wife and I. The penguins will be taking the deep dive into the frigid waters by then.), and a BAG, that's a big ass garage!!! My sons and I are BEST friends!!! I'm either a lucky man, or a really good dad! Life is VERY GOOD in my eyes!!! Marc, I will make it up north and visit you Canadian brothers! I'm going to Alaska and I'll stop and visit anyone that is interesting. You are! There's another Buick guy that owns a hotel somewhere in Canada that says he'll give a discount to Buick people. I'll visit him. Cole, just north of Seattle, sounds like he's got the best "old Buick parts yard in the world!" I've bought a bunch of stuff from him. Awesome guy!!! I'd work for FREE just stripping Buicks for a week or so. Maybe even get a deal or two. You guys are the BEST!!!!! Tomorrow is day 70!!! Have a GREAT night, and M.A.G.A.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
John, I'd make darned sure you migrated far enough north to avoid the illegals inevitable northern migration. I'd sure hate to see you build your dream home only to wake up one morning to have that same kid, now 17, along with the kids he has acquired by impregnating his sister, all peeing on your last brussel sprout.
I don't know how I missed this thread until now? This is one of the greatest things I have read in a while, I will have to go back and re-read some of them just for a laugh! Thanks for this... The only thing is, I wish you had a line up of them so I can get the proper image in my head. Take a picture and tag them, I would love to see your description of each one. Cheers!
Let me see what I can do to help you out. I know I have a picture of the older penguins somewhere. The little penguin, she's somewhere in this computer. Jerry#1, because now I see there is a Jerry#2 ... You are sooooo right about the illegals northern migration! I was born in Miami and grew up there until 7th grade. (1970) I didn't realize how lucky we were that dad got transferred to Palm Beach County. It was not a one horse town. It was a one horse COUNTY!!! Talk about Hicksville. Unfortunately it is now "mini Miami." My kids at school think I'm crazy when I tell them there was no I-95 in Palm Beach County when I graduated high school. We will shop carefully!!!!!!
Here are some pics to put faces to Jerry#2 The first picture is the male penguin affectionately known as Dick. He's really not a dick. He tries to help out. He'll attempt mowing the yard, he has washed my GS, and he doesn't leave a crumby mess everywhere like his wife. He can be slow as can be though sometimes. Try not to get stuck behind him walking somewhere or you will be waiting for a passing lane. Here's a picture of me and my wife at Bowling Green. The last picture is what I come home to on a daily basis. We once had a parakeet in a cage. He left exactly the same mess on the floor every day. The parakeet was better though. He didn't try to talk your head off about total nonsense.
First off, just crazy what happened in Parkland, which must be hitting way too close to home for you, Waterboy. Thanks for all your years as a teacher, which couldn’t have been easy. God knows our society needs dedicated ones like you! Anyways, I’ve been on this thing searching for SBB info for less than a week, but somehow stumbled across this crazy journal about penguins. HILLARIOUS!!! I had to read all the posts the other night, and my “little penguin” kept asking why I was laughing at my phone so much. Everyone needs a mental release every so often, and for that I thank you. It’s amazing what you can learn about a guy after 150 or so posts. Since the light at the end of the tunnel is coming up fast for you (retirement, not death), I thought your crew could use some help figuring out what gifts may be the coolest. Here’s 12 that came to mind in no certain order. The last 3 are purely for penguin feeding or entertainment purposes, i.e. to get them away from you! Congrats on your upcoming retirement. Thermostat that’s out of cal +10*F (a) Fire extinguisher, or (b) Toaster oven with a really, really short cord Keurig with at least 2 mos. worth of strong a$$ K-cups Maid, preferably French Another “Yeti full of good ideas” (think Brantley Gilbert) More friends with boats “Trump 2020” T-shirts More pepper seeds X-large dog cage Gift card to Panera (eat in only) Amazon Echo “Silver” Panthers vs. Penguins tickets, preferably in Pittsburgh P.S. - Maybe Alexa can remind the penguins that the “magic sloshy box” needs to be filled or emptied when it’s time.
Hey John, you can be the anti-penguin and when they show up come north to my house for a month, you can experience the joy of sub 20's weather and help me in the barn with my cars and motors I'm working on for people. gary
BREAKING NEWS... John Carroll, AKA Waterboy, is on suicide watch. This is due to the fact that his much loved, (NOT), in-laws will be arriving for their winter infestation this afternoon. In reality I've never considered suicide for any reason. Especially when it is way more fun to irritate the hell out of my mother in-law. I'm right in the middle of finally putting my 68 GS400 convertible back together after it was released from the paint and body shop prison almost 10 years ago. Yes, you know you have to many toys when you don't even put them back together for years. Anyhow, my oldest son is getting married February 22nd and his wife to be wants me to chauffeur them with the top down from the church to the reception, complete with cans dragging behind the car. ( And a BIG SMOKEY BURNOUT in front of the church!) So I've been making a GIANT mess trying to find all the missing parts that have been in storage for years. My in-laws love to sit in the screen porch playing cards, eating, making a mess, and listening to Rush Limbaugh at 12 PM on the dot. I have very nicely decorated my screen porch, and the picnic area with car parts. Sooo many car parts that their favorite area, which is also my favorite area, is UN-usable! I am very proud of the mess I have made while searching for long lost parts, and finding parts I never knew I had. After you look at the mess I have created just remember, I have 3 more large tote containers to get down from the attic today. Unfortunately for them, (Fortunately for me), they will have to sit out front so the whole neighborhood can see my problem, them! I really want to get my car finished as soon as possible. Especially since I'm hosting another "South Florida Buick Get Together" Feb. 1st. But I am retired and I do work meticulously SLOW. >
