Stolen from the local newspaperp The 5 questions most feared by men are: 1. What are you thinking about? 2. Do you love me? 3. Do I look fat? 4. Do you think she is prettier than me? 5. What would you do if I died? What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e., tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses. Question No. 1: What are you thinking about? The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following: a. Baseball. b. Football. c. How fat you are. d. How much prettier she is than you. e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died. Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!" Question No. 2: Do you love me? The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear." Inappropriate responses include: a. Oh yeah. b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes? c. That depends on what you mean by love. d. Does it matter? e. Who, me? Question No. 3: Do I look fat? The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Among the incorrect answers are: a. Compared to what? b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin. c. A little extra weight looks good on you. d. I've seen fatter. e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died. Question No. 4: Do you think she's prettier than me? Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Incorrect responses include: a. Yes, but you have a better personality. b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner. c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age. d. Define pretty. e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died. Question No. 5: What would you do if I died? A definite no-win question. (The real answer, of course, is "Buy a GS and a boat.") No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along these lines: WOMAN: Would you get married again? MAN: Definitely not! WOMAN: Why not; don't you like being married? MAN: Of course I do. WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry? MAN: OK, I'd get married again. WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face) WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed? MAN: Where else would we sleep? WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her? MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do. WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs? MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed. WOMAN: ... silence ... MAN: Oh my.
:beer :TU: :laugh: :laugh: :TU: :beer Sometimes, the newpaper has it's uses... Excellent Find Dwayne! Whats sad, it's all true...........
My wife was flying to Florida on Friday morning. On Thursday night she asked if I thought it was safe to fly since we were in the middle of a storm that dumped about 8 inches on DC. I said "Of course dear, just make sure you buy some of that life insurance that you can get in the terminal." Well if you thought it was cold outside... ________ HONDA CB450DX-K HISTORY
I've recently found that the scariest question a woman can ask a single man is: "Where is this relationship going?" AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Greg
